Whoa it’s been a pretty funky and busy couple days. I played Draw Steel with Sam Low! I joke posted a Vancouver-Quadra candidate debate! Continued to yearn for The Ubyssey (more of the same).

A 6 Month Long Serial Killer Fanfiction

Wow, you know, I really should start a running list of main story ideas. Because I could have sworn I had some great ones earlier in the week but I simply have no recollection of them now that I actually have to sit down and write.

Oh! I’ve got one. I think this is maybe the first long-term elaborate bit I’ve done. I want y’all to know I’m so embarrassed of all the writing in this bit. I promise, I’m so much better five years later (ignore my terrible unedited writing in all the issues of The Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz). Don’t judge me too harshly.

Cast yourselves back. The year? 2020. The only place I go? My room (there’s a pandemic and I’m an anxious little guy). One of my courses? Honours Precalculus. I’ve had the teacher before and she’s honestly amazing I love her so much. Our rapport was already very solid before that year, so that’s why I felt comfortable doing all the things.

On our first or second test in the course there was a question that involved HH Holmes riding a Ferris Wheel at the Chicago World Fair (we were supposed to calculate the trajectory of something thrown by him or something like that). For those who don’t know, HH Holmes was a serial killer around the turn of the 20th Century.

This was kind of funny once, but in a following test, one of the questions asked us to calculate when a person had been murdered by HH Holmes based on the temperature of their dead body. So… you know. A perfect chance to escalate the bit! As it was, in fact, 2020, we were taking examinations online where we would submit images of our work in addition to the answer to questions. So naturally, once I had finished the test, I pretended to get murdered and submitted this image for the dead body question:

Listen, I knew she’d appreciate a little bit of fun whilst grading a bunch of precalculus tests. She found it funny (though apparently her audible reaction was enough to spook multiple cats) so naturally… the bit had to continue. Instead of studying for our next precalculus test, I wrote the following:

We were now firmly in commit to the bit territory. I mean… the death report established some characters! I’d decided that there would be an ongoing story — each chapter to be submitted with each of my tests. To challenge myself, I also wanted to use a different medium for each of the chapters.

For the next one, there was little letter that predated the report above:

It’s at this point that I want to reiterate that I think all the writing I did for this was extremely bad and I am very embarrassed sharing it but also it’s kind of funny :).

And for the following exam, I wrote a little bit of a script. Again, not very good, but fun (also, not to be an MFing homo, but I made it sapphic lmao).

For the final exam, I did something that was pretty ambitious for an Honours Precalculus bit. I wrote and produced a short radio play starring other members of our class, closing out the HH Holmes story line. It was… kind of epic. Again, it wasn’t good, but any stretch of the imagination. But it was very fun to make such a silly thing and have my peers lend their time and their voices to it.

Unfortunately, I won’t be sharing the radio play in this here newsletter. I just don’t feel terribly comfortable putting the voices of some kids out on the internet when what we made was intended just for a small group of people. But if you see me in person, I will begrudgingly let you listen to it as cringe and curl into a ball in the other side of the room.

Anyways, that was that! It was a fun time. It truly got to a point that I’d sit down to “study” for precalculus but 80% of my time was just working on the HH Holmes story. Fun and chaotic times.

Also, I had another running bit in that class — basically entirely ripped off Sam Riegel’s Flask Bit — so here are some HH Holmes related images from that:

Anyways, when I graduated I was given an HH Holmes book, so who really got the last laugh.

Other News

Sam Low’s Character Information

Y’all, I played Draw Steel with Sam Low this past Thursday :D. It was a really good time. Thanks for coming out Sam!

We hilariously got character information from Sam Low’s blog which… amazing. This bit has simply been so hilarious. Thanks for playing along these past couple weeks, Sam :)

Anyways, I had a fun time. Hope you did too Sam! And Tony too! Y’all both did really well. ‘Twas very fun.

Humour At Home

As I did for AMS Council last Wednesday (see: I joke post AMS Council and get character info from Sam Low), I also joke posted the AMS-hosted, Ubyssey-moderated Vancouver-Quadra candidates debate over on the Humour At Home Bluesky. I’ll be including a couple of the posts that I think are funny here, but personally, I felt as though I cooked pretty hard on all of them :D.

(it should be noted that during the AMS Presidential Debate, I technically didn’t use my additional 30 second response time to propose to /u/sasamats. I used the 30 seconds that was intended to be used for responding to UbysseyHumour’s question — which I completely ignored. Sorry Humour! You’re great. I hope I’m doing you proud with these BlueSky posts)

AMS, I Can’t Help But Agree With Your Breadcrumbs

My Collection!

I’ve got signed news clippings y’all! We don’t need to talk about how long I nervously waited outside The Ubyssey office because the door was locked and I was too anxious to knock :). Thanks Spencer and Aisha for signing things. Honestly I wanted to get signatures from more people but I didn’t want to bother anyone else.

Elena Gif Still Going Strong

In the previous issue, Elena’s iconic gif from Girl’s Lower Mainland tied for the most clicked link with the Humour at Home Bluesky. Will it continue to be the top clicked link??????

(Elena, if you’re comfortable having your face as decoration in our house — super valid not to lmao — it’d be pretty silly and funny to have a signed cut out of that part of Girls’ Lower Mainland on our wall…)

From the Web

• “Cosmic Storm” (Tony Kulenovic on YouTube). Tony is making a Fantastic Four musical???? That’s really cool tbh. I’ve also unironically be whistling this song since I first listened to it so…

• Breaking down UBC’s $3.98 billion 2025/26 budget (The Ubyssey). Let’s be real, if you’re on this newsletter, you’re the type of freak who’d love to read a budget breakdown.

• The Revised Player’s Handbook for 5E and its Future (Alphastream). Most of you nerds don’t care about D&D stuff, but I really enjoyed reading Teos Abadia’s criticisms of the new Dungeons and Dragons core rules released last year.

• Canadian Tabletop Will Not Be Bullied By Trump Regime (Rascal). A really fascinating piece about the Canadian tabletop industry and its relationship with the US. It hilariously sort of feels like the tabletop news site wants to cover the whole gestures broadly, and is using this story to do so. But it was a great read while standing around being intimidated by The Ubyssey’s closed door.

From the Archive

October 10, 1969 (nice)

That’s All!

Hopefully you nerds enjoyed! I’m genuinely a little embarrassed sharing the HH Holmes stuff, but it’s kinda funny so shrug.

Anyways, thanks to all of you nerds for reading! This has sort of been a surreal two months. There are honestly so many things since the start of the election season that genuinely don’t feel real. But it’s been an absolute blast and I’m so happy :).

The next couple Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzzs may be even more low effort than normal just because of exam season. Or they’ll be higher effort because I’m procrastinating! Truly no way to know :D

Until Wednesday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Surreal internet epistolary since 2025