Very AMS heavy one. Sorry Tom.

Free taglines for the AMS Exec team

This Wednesday’s AMS Council meeting had one standout moment. During the executive updates, a number of executives had a tagline. However, all of them were surpassed by the tagline of VP External Solomon Yi-Kieran: Welcome to the lobbying lobby. Brought to you by the lobbying man with a lobbying plan. Simply perfect — no notes. Tonight, we’re going to try to give the other execs some taglines that — while they won’t be as good — will at least be competitive.

I’ll note that my partner Lily Holmes (with pink and purple hair — in case you’re looking from across the Michael Kingsmill Forum and wondering. Hypothetically.) came up with all the best ones of these.

President Riley Huntley

Riley actually had a catchphrase already: regularly scheduled presidential programming.

Now, respectfully, this is. mid. If Solomon’s was a 10 (it is), this is like… a 3 or 4. It’s trying. But not that hard.

Our favoured tagline for president is: My true loves are skydiving and the AMS, so let’s make like one and jump into the other. 

Other taglines are:

• Welcome to the presidential presiding. Brought to you by the presidential man with the presidential plan.

• Putting the slay in the slAMS (pronounced slay-M-S)

• I’m a skydiver, so I’m used to getting things done in three minutes

• I’m a skydiver so let’s jump into it

VP Finance

Gagan doesn’t give big into silly taglines — he didn’t share one last meeting.

We have a pretty simple tagline for the VP finance: It’s time to put the “fine” in finance and the “fun” in funds.

Other taglines are:

• 🎶If I had thirty million dollars🎶 (to the tune of “If I had a million dollars”)

• VP in the streets, [something funny here] in the sheets

VP Academic and University Affairs

Apparently Zarifa had a tagline prepared but was a COWARD and didn’t share it. Disappointing to say the least. Will not be getting my vote next year: I’m a single issue voter and my issue is silly taglines at council.

We don’t have a good one yet, to be honest. I’m a fan of the second one below, personally. But I wonder what the actual one the exec team came up with was.

Other taglines are:

• AUA? More like GayUA

• The only affairs that aren’t a COI

• Writing fan fiction about UBC

VP Administration

Okay, Dylan does not seem like he could give any amount of energy into a tagline. But it would be really funny if we leaned against that.

So, here’s the VP Admin tagline, which must be said with energy and rhythm for it to sound reasonable: Admit it (don’t admonish it): I’m Administration’s Admiral. Y’all better admire it as I administer it. (whispers the update)

Other taglines are

• Clubs and drugs

• Okay I’ll admit it I wanna fuck a printer

• Okay I’ll admit it I wanna fuck a microwave

• Please someone kill me

• Take a shot every time I say umm

• From clubs to drugs let’s administer the admin update

VP Student Life

Honestly I don’t remember if Kevin gave a tagline. I certainly hope so because it’d be pretty VP Party of him.

This is the best for last. Our single best tagline — entirely conceived of by my partner. It’s performed like a cheerleader chant: Give me an S! (S) Give me a T! (T) Give me a D! (D). Give me a… shit I forgot about U.

Other taglines are:

• I have a student life outside of this job I promise

• Let’s get this party started!

• We always talk about student life, but we never talk about student death

• Everybody take a shot… whenever you want! I’m VP Party babyyyyyy

• This is a new position, but I’m down to try anything babe.

• BLUE! GOLD! BLUE! GOLD! BLUE! GOLD! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SEAGULLS! [Editor’s note: The seagull Birb is the AMS’s mascot while the Thunderbird is the UBC mascot.] 

Other News

Joke Posting AMS Council

I think it’s simply iconic that the Between the Motions for this council meeting mentioned the “online quiz to test councillors’ knowledge.”

It’s true he did cyberbully me 😭. Some have said it’s my own fault for “being incredibly bullyable,” but that’s just mean :(

My final Bendu :). I got like 6 bendus. I’m just saying we can read these nerds like the back of our hand. They play right into our cards. The buzzwords are so predictable frfr. (Someone should play buzzword bendu with a Point of Inquiry article. I’m too scared to 🫣)

Of note:

hehehehe i got mentioned on a podcast

not even the Ubyssey’s. it’s the nerd Draw Steel podcast named Goblin Points :). It was for my nerd shit Class Retainers document. (it’s made half a Ubyssey article of money already — despite being free)

(I was actually interviewed on one of those episodes — but I’ll leave it as an exercise to the reader to discover that episode)

Is it embarrassing

If I’ve got a finely tuned Cinzel Decorative sense??? I could recognize this typeface from a mile away.

From the Archive

That’s All!

I’ve realized that I gave myself a Pavlovian response to it being 10:03. Even on days when I don’t publish, if I look at a clock and see it’s 10:03 (even am), a jolt of adrenaline courses through my body.

Anyways heheh Tom is in town (of A "Not Nerdy" Email That's Inclusive to "Well Adjusted" People fame).

Until Wednesday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

I’m not small talking, I’m practicing community centred journalism since 2025