Some have said that this newsletter is “too nerdy” and not fit for “well adjusted” people. Well, TOM. That’s a bit rich from someone who literally grew up in Balcombe (pronounced “ball cum”) and whose parents live in Cuckfield (pronounced “cuck field”). I’ll show you how well-adjusted I can be.

The 50 Best Sports (+2 non-sports)

You know as a well adjusted and not too nerdy person, there’s nothing I love more than a round of watching sports with the boys. So as my normal, not too nerdy topic that’s accessible to well adjusted people, I’m gonna rank so many sports you have no idea.

As a note, if a women’s version of a sport is listed and the men’s version isn’t, it just means that the women’s version is so much better. Also, if of these sports are being used to fuel transphobia, they drop 50 rankings.

1. Yak Skiing. Truly the Rube Goldberg machine of sports made up as a tourist attraction.

2. Fencing. SO COOL. Honestly I feel like I should get into fencing at some point it seems rad. BUT NOT IN A NERD WAY. In a well-adjusted person way.

3. Hobby Horsing. Iconic. Hilarious. Should be required in middle school.

4. Mini golf. Incredibly fun, especially with a bunch of zany terrain features. Way more of a sport than something like shooting or golf.

5. Laser tag. Would be higher but the organization for not well-adjusted people didn’t invite me to their laser tag social (though in fairness, it seems no one else willingly went to that)

6. Rock Climbing. It’s giving lesbian (sorry Tom). I used to be reasonably good at rock climbing back in like middle school. I should get back into it at some point.

7. Archery. Cool. Fun vibes in a bit too nerdy way for me — Quyen Solace Schroeder, famously not a nerd.

8. Paintball. Like shooting but less scary.

9. Cycling. I WANT TO GO ON A YEAR LONG BIKE TRIP WITH MY PARTNERS PARENTS SO BADLY. I’d do anything. If I disappear in the middle of the night, assume it’s because I’m cycling across Europe. Also I’m a noob but I love mountain biking.

10. Kayaking. I had so much fun kayaking the Columbia with my partners father (my partner wasn’t there). Would do again, even though I was Not In Shape Enough.

11. Skiing. It does make me scared I’m gonna twist my legs in unthinkably painful ways (my partner called me a pussy for saying this). But it also gives us incredible video clips.

12. Dance. Totally is a sport — way more than something like shooting. Some of the studios seem to have cult vibes slash are right next to where Louder with Crowder is filmed (yikes). Also aerial seems rad.

13. Martial arts. Fighting but without all the blood and spectacle. And monopolies (I assume I’m not terribly well educated in martial arts economics)

14. Synchronized swimming. Like dance but in the water. Impressive.

15. Extreme Ironing. Who doesn’t love climbing a mountain to get the wrinkles out of your work shirt.

16. Quadball. Not transphobic. Based. If you’re interested in more quadball, you can read more at this link, as long as you do so in a non-nerdy and well-adjusted way.

17. Women’s Basketball. Like basketball but gayer.

18. Gymnastics. Unironically women’s gymnastics is so much better. But once again, it’s so stupidly cringe that the women’s uniform is so… aaarrrgggghhhhhh compared to the men’s. Misogyny sucks.

19. Parkour. Hardcore. Honestly I’m a big fan of go over, not around. It’s way more fun that way. Extremely worn down Doc Martens don’t especially lend themselves to walking, much less any fancier locomotion, alas.

20. Women’s Football ⚽️. Like football ⚽️ but gayer.

21. Ultimate Frisbee. A+ screengrabs. People face planting into the ground? Hilarious. Also shout out my high school math teacher who was the media manager or something for the Dallas Ultimate team.

22. Skydiving. I’ve been told it’s not “well-adjusted person stuff” to reference skydiving into homecoming.

23. Tag. Pro tag is wild. Also something something jet lag tag across [country].

24. BASE Jumping. I also won’t mention BASE jumping into Block Party.

25. Women’s Lacrosse/Field Hockey. HAHAHHAHA I DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE SUE ME. But seems kinda gay ngl.

26. Figure skating. Like dance but while balancing on a knife’s edge on a floor of ice

27. Water polo. Apparently there was one of these where the pool was entirely red with blood which scares me.

28. Cross country. No one looks good running cross country. It’s just pain and sweat and it takes so long and nothing exciting happens. Also it’s for nerds in high school who can’t catch/throw balls (me)

29. Badmiton. Ha. Smashing a shuttlecock.

30. Women’s rugby. I go to my grandfather’s every week, and his elderly, white South African friend (?) has strong opinions about women’s rugby. She’s definitely not “giving apartheid” when she says that the whites wouldn’t play with the blacks on South Africa’s teams.

31. Skateboarding. Seems scary like there are lots of injuries. I’d mention a cool TTRPG, but then I’d be too nerdy and not inclusive to well-adjusted people.

32. Esports. Kinda greasy.

33. Baseball. So much of nothing happening. Even if you’re going to Roughriders games as a child there’s so little Roughriding happening (though sometimes someone spills beer on you when celebrating at a level that frankly? Is too much for a minor league game)

34. Polo. Has horses, but I’m not a horse girl. Luckily there are other variations like elephant polo and yak polo. But I’m also neither an elephant girl nor a yak girl.

35. Pickleball. My mom plays simply so much pickleball. It was fun to play with her a little bit — if a bit much in the Texas heat

36. Shooting. Scary. (with exception for Caitlyn Kiramman)

37. Surfing. It was fine when I did it. Not my favourite.

38. Tennis. All I remember from childhood tennis is high fiving the giant. Which is cool, I guess. OH and the boyfriend from The Bee Movie played tennis.

39. Volleyball. Honestly, women’s volleyball would be higher but the misogyny of their uniforms is kinda cringe.

40. Men’s Lacrosse/Field Hockey. Low key kinda pretentious.

41. Swimming. Y’all know people pee in there, right?

42. Curling. I love competitive tidying my room before mom walks in

43. Geocaching. Wikipedia says this is a sport. Twas fun in childhood, but seems to have been enshittified since then which is unfortunate.

44. Paragliding. Incredibly cringe if you cut trees down at KC (Kootenay Columbia) so you can paraglide a little easier. Also, Riley, can you paraglide? My partner and I have been disagreeing whether you can lmao.

45. Fishing. Born to fish forced to work. (IM SORRY FOR NOT MAKING THIS JOKE DURING THE CAMPAIGN KAI. THE STUDENT BODY DESERVED BETTER FROM ME. YOUR NOT ON THIS NEWSLETTER BUT IM SURE SOMEONE ON THIS NEWSLETTER CAN TELL YOU)

46. Speed cubing. Say what you will about AMS council, at least it’s not speed cubing. That’s real nerd shit.

47. American Football. I can get into it sometimes when watching with my family, but the fact that all of the players have lasting brain damage kind of takes me out of it.

48. Hockey. I went to a looootttt of hockey games in my youth (my brother played), and that’s where I first read all the D&D books (in very legal Anyflip format). So there’s some good memories associated with it. But also it gave my brother 3/4.5 of his concussions which is. A Bummer.

49. WWE/Boxing/Any Physical Fighting Sport. I don’t watch R-rated movies because I’m afraid there will be blood. These have blood. (with exception for Vi)

50. Cricket. Too British.

51. Underwater Basket Weaving. More of a sport than golf.

52. Golf. Nope.

Other News

The stocks

Being not a nerd and well-adjusted, I look at the stocks every day. That’s a pretty good line.

If you look carefully, the blue line went down and then started to go back up again. That means it’s a bull market and we’ve all got to touch a statue’s bull testicles. Now there are also the dancing red and blue lines that are playing hard to get with each other. Those measure the effects of the Republicans and Democrats on how good the stock market is doing. And then all the small black lines represent how many people care about the stock market. It peaked around the start of April, but it’s stabilized now, which is good.

The Celebrities

Wow look at this drama I care about

It’s just so important to me what the King of Canada and his family get up to. I don’t feel sick to my stomach sending this link out at all. And I totally 100% watched this video and have well-developed thoughts on it. I just don’t want to share.

Look Away Tom

This is for everyone else.

Jan 17, 2011.

AMS Confidential is still up. Also the UBC Insiders website is up too.

I wish these still existed, it’d be pretty snazzy. Technically UBC Insiders has posts from the past few years, but they’re in a different language and promoting online casinos which is honestly kinda sad.

That’s All!

See? I’m very normal and not “too nerdy” and can totally be “inclusive to well-adjusted people”, TOMMM. Are you happy??? ARE YOU??

(please be happy I want you to like me and think im cool) for context everyone: tom is my partner’s sister’s partner

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Doublefisting tea since 2025