We’re through the first week of summer term. I did a CPSC 317 assignment in like 2 hours so I should get a gold star. Got Aisha jumpscared (positive) in my Shakespeare class. Has been a good time.

Main Story

Well and truly I’m not sure what I should write about here — as per usual. So you know we’re just gonna start going and you folks are going to have to deal with that! I’ve been doing a fair bit of writing these past couple days between prepping for my pathfinder game and writing a new campaign pitch doc and finishing up the manuscript for a Draw Steel thingy and the ol’ podcast application (hi Elena queen, I got it in, see? I’m so on top of my life). So I don’t want something that’ll be even remotely difficult to write.

I’m kind of thinking of wanting to tier list something. It’s on my mind because someone brought up tiers at AMS Council. But what to tier list… oh! I know! You probably came up with the exact same one: Slay the Spire relics you’d want during AMS Council (only relics from the common pool today because I said so).

(I know the images are scuffed but I think it’s kinda funny so I’m leaving them).

Akabeko (C tier)

Listen, I think toys are pretty great, especially when something boring like committee appointments is happening. But not maximally fun or stimulating.

Anchor (F tier)

Too weighty. Would be pretty annoying to lug in an out of the MKF during all the in-camera sessions.

Ancient Tea Set (S tier)

Council has food and canned drinks (or fancy metal water bottles). But nothing matches a good tea.

Art of War (A tier)

Not only can you get some light reading in, I think it would help with some of the politicking in the space.

Bag of Marbles (C tier)

A good fidget, but I think I’d drop a bunch of them, which would be really awkward during the meeting.

Bag of Preparation (B tier)

Useful — I bring a bag to almost every council meeting — but neither fun nor sexy.

Blood Vial (D tier)

No serious use for this item, and low key is kinda weird to bring to the most sacred of forums. But at least easy to carry and conceal.

Bronze Scales (D tier)

I truly have no use for this in council, but they look kinda cool?

Centennial Puzzle (A tier)

This would be good to fidget with while still paying attention to council. A bonus: it doesn’t look very loud or disruptive.

Ceramic Fish (B tier)

It’s a cool looking fish, and might even bring you luck! No material benefits, though.

Dream Catcher (B tier)

I’m not saying I’ve fallen asleep in council before. I’m just saying I could see how it happens.

Happy Flower (D tier)

They look like such a happy lil guy! Producing sun so I can plant more plants is great, but I wouldn’t want to be doing gardening during the Speaker’s Business and Remarks. (I assume. I don’t garden).

Juzu Bracelet (C tier)

Seems fine, but I don’t rock a ton of bracelets normally (though I’d love to get into jewelry at some point. I’m so excited for my piercings to heal :D).

Lantern (C tier)

Fun and dramatic, but a little unwieldy. Plus, MKF has pretty good lighting already.

Maw Bank (A tier)

Bringing all your money is very important so you can bribe your elected officials. Or beg them to give you the $400 they owe you from your campaign and you’ve only received one email back three weeks ago which said it would be taken care of in a week and it’s not taken care of yet. Hypothetically.

Meal Ticket (S tier)

Allows you to get food before councillors. Enough said.

Nunchaku (B tier)

Dare I say, bringing nunchaku to council is giving Mathew Ho (affectionate). Would be helpful for any unforeseen boxing matches with the president (Fontana: take notes).

Oddly Smooth Stone (A tier)

I think this would be a very good fidget. Seems to have incredible sensory vibes.

Omamori (B tier)

I think this is B+, if only because it’s easier to transport than the ceramic fish.

Oricalcum (F tier)

Honestly it’s a hunk of metal. What in the world are you going to be doing with this during AMS Council????? At least the anchor vaguely has a use.

Pen Nib (A tier)

Good for writing notes with and you’ll be snazzy! Since it’s a fountain pen! Or you could put the nib on a quill and be the coolest person in the room!

Potion Belt (D tier)

I don’t think I’d look good in the potion belt. Which is important because I always try to serve the best fits at AMS Council. It’s basically date night for me and my partner!

Preserved Insect (C tier)

Nothing offensive about it. Just… you can only get so much entertainment out of looking at an insect. These meetings are like 4 hours, you can’t insect for that long!

Regal Pillow (A tier)

This would be higher, but I think that the MKF chairs are pretty comfortable. Very good postural ergonomics as one might say. Ultimately, don’t think there’s a pressing need for the pillow — but it’d still be nice to have!

Smiling Mask (C tier)

I’ve got nothing to hide! Plus, I’m always smiling soooooo muuuuuucccchhhhh at council. I don’t need a mask to do it for me :)))))))))))))

Strawberry (B tier)

I’m a strawberry fan, but ultimately I don’t think there’s much sustenance in a single strawberry.

The final rankings

I unironically ran out of space in this email (the file is getting too big lmao) so here are the final rankings:

I put boot in D (looks uncomfy), tiny chest in C (useless), toy ornithopter in B (fun, breaks easily), Vajra in D (too sharp, would injure), Warpaint in F (too messy, don’t need partisan politics), and whetstone in D (I don’t have a cool sword — yet).

Other News

Joke Posting Council

First council of the new everyone was this Saturday at noon. Which… moving it to Saturday is already freak behaviour. But the middle of the day Saturday????

(I’ve been told that the above is going to be the first lines of the Quyen X Ubyssey fan fiction — with Ubyssey in this case being the organization itself and not any of the real life individuals who work there)

I was actually so excited to introduce myself to Colin this is so sad.

I’m reminded of the 2023 admin candidate who questioned the existence of low impact clubs and definitely didn’t imply they shouldn’t exist. (The 2023 VP Admin race was wild. Truly my favourite group of candidates probably ever in the whole wide world)

^ This one is a thinker. Takes a bit for the joke to settle. Maybe I should have said EPA committee instead of HR committee.

Old AMS candidate interviews

I really wish we got a joke interview this year. Though I suppose that was technically more than half of the Presidential interviews so shrug.

Good Old Santa

If I had a nickel for every university that made a bobblehead of Santa Ono, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

Aisha: About our Shakespeare Prof

Viyan and I had him for Arts One, and I stalked his X.com (the everything app) and found all of these published on the same day — most within MINUTES of each other:

Bestie really loves that skull :)

Is my bus gay?

Ubyssey says my bus is a “nonbinary bi vers icon” which is good enough for me. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to take the super-straight, heterosexual, basic-ass R4 every day. Probably throw up (sorry to the 3 straight people on the newsletter, just speaking my truth).

From the Archive

Once again, I unironically don’t have enough space to send any more links or put any more photos so… From the Archive is off this week. Though I’ll take this space to say: Elena, here’s the excuse for my actions. Cinema = superheroes. Superheroes = fighting. Fighting = explosions. Me = cringe. Cringe = bad mouth sound effects. Add it all up and you get the video you got. You wanted a cinematic masterpiece and I uhhhh… I did my best.

That’s All!

That’s it for me this weekend! If you haven’t, check out the new ubyssey.ca homepage! It’s got some new Storystream action by Sam Low. It’s very fun.

Anyways, I’m off to try to settle on a name for my column.

Until Wednesday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Colin + Spencer keyboard ASMR since 2025