Hey everyone! It’s another Monday. Second Monday of the newsletter, no? That’s pretty exciting. I picked up 200 honey sticks this morning, which feels a bit ludicrous. I’m also grabbing posters and stickers tonight, so tomorrow will be a fun time. I’m still carrying around my fiancé’s engagement ring in hopes I see her, but it’s like that some time, you know? Anyways, let’s get into the main segment of this daily nightly newsletter. Which I haven’t decided yet, so that’s fun.

The Main Section (It’s The Ubyssey, to no one’s surprise)

LISTEN! I had started to write something about Jet Lag: The Game, streaming on Nebula now, but then various Ubyssey things just kept happening throughout the day. And I kept adding them to the newsletter (like you do). And now I’m looking at basically 1000 words without even having a main story. Which means… the Other News section is becoming the Main Story. So yay, less writing for me! Each of these segments was written at a different point in the day, arranged in chronological order. So enjoy :D.

Ubyssey is playing hard to get

I tried to get a print copy of The Ubyssey today during my break but they weren’t distributed yet. I was gonna get two copies, one to hang up on the wall, the other to make out with, obviously. That’s all, a little sad I can’t get them today, but I’ll live.

Also, they still haven’t responded to my date proposal :(. I’m gonna go anyways and hope they show up. But as always, if The Ubyssey reaches out and asks me to stop thirsting after them, I’ll do so gracefully.

Update: since originally writing this segment of the newsletter, I’ve obtained my print copy. It has been thoroughly smooched. But I can’t wait to smooch the real thing…

I’ve Been Betrayed…

Coming back to this to say… this is the worst day of my life. Ubyssey.ca has updated their since line. They no longer proudly proclaim to be the most kissable organization on campus (even though they still are 😘). Instead they’ve changed it to this:

And on the print issue:

I don’t know what this means for my odds at a date this Friday, or a relationship beyond that. For now… I’m grieving. Call me a loser who’s in love, but my heart fluttered a little bit every time I saw the “most kissable organization on campus since 1918” line. There was a sense of pride. A spark of hope. And now when I pull up the Ubyssey.ca homepage (as I often do, just to stare at my beloved) there is an emptiness within my soul and heart.

Ubussy in the Ubyssey

I meant for this to be a Ubyssey light issue of the daily Nightly Buzz, but alas, I cannot help but be obsessed with this most kissable organization. And they wrote about me again, this time about my endorsements (or lack thereof). In doing so, I finally achieved by goal of getting ubussy.ca published on ubyssey.ca. So yay me! And thank you Maya!

Wait even more Ubyssey updates???

Following the publication of the endorsements article, I emailed The Ubyssey regarding the use of the wrong pronouns for Barry “Bee” Buzzword (as well as doing some subtly nudging in regards to our date on Friday). They updated the pronouns, but more importantly, this was The Ubyssey’s response regarding our date:

So… you know, I think I have a shot! This is very exciting, I hope everyone is happy for me :). Funnily enough, this is actually the exact type of message my actual partner and I sent each other in the days before we started dating, so things are looking up for me!

Also, for the record, when they read the email with The Ubyssey, my partner did in fact say “well we already knew The Ubyssey was a useless lesbian.” So… Ubussy people, take that as you will.

Other News

Reddit 🤮

I can’t wait until I’m off this website. Everyone is telling me to be less funny, but then people tell me to be less serious (even when I’m talking about making Riley Huntley skydiving onto the Nest the only entertainment at Block Party). I don’t blame ‘em. Tone is hard to read on the internet, but I’m just looking forward to being done. Reddit really is Not My Place.

I’m Reaching Out to the (Less Kissable) News

I dunno if you folks saw but someone made a post about Cade Desjarlais that was less than favourable and citing sources from The Phoenix to support their claims. My partner reached out to Cade, who said that the articles were written with some misunderstandings and that The Phoenix has since apologized for the coverage. Being the good little student (and maybe something more 👀. Ubussy hit me up; my DMs are open) I am, I tried to fact check this on The Phoenix’s website. Unfortunately, the articles cited in the Reddit post did not have any retractions or revisions and the site didn’t have a fancy searchable archive like The Ubyssey does (those kissable scamps). Even doing some advanced google action, I was unable to find the aforementioned apologies.

So… I reached out to the Editor-in-Chief (they don’t have a coordinating editor either :/), asking about the apology that was apparently issued. At time of writing, I have yet to receive a response, but I’ll let you folks know once I do.

That’s All!

That’s all I’ve got tonight. As I said, a bit more Ubyssey heavy than I thought it’d be (not that that’s a bad thing :D), but just more and more Ubyssey stuff kept happening, and it made my heart so fluttery, and I just had to share it with all my closest friends here on this newsletter. Anyways, tomorrow will be a non-Ubyssey issue, trust. But I’ll probably circle back to the well of Ubyssey content on Thursday for “Why The Ubyssey is the Most Kissable Organization on Campus (Part 2).” Anyways, that’s all I’ve got for tonight. Will probably put posters up tomorrow if I don’t get fucked by the printers again, so yahoo.

Until tomorrow at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!