(Oops I set her to publish at 12:03 pm CT instead of 12:03 am CT. My bad, y’all. The Icosatetra-Yearly, Twice-Weekly, Daily Nightly Buzz regrets this error.)

I don’t do them. At least New Years’ ones. I don’t think it’s a particularly effective way for me to improve my life. More power to you if it’s a helpful framing :D. But I just don’t think it’s reasonable to expect myself to change overnight. And every time I expect myself to, I’m setting myself up for failure. (I’m not good when things are framed as pass/fail. The all or nothing attitude makes me give up at the first setback.)

Anyways, that’s not to say I’m not thinking about how I want to improve. I’ve been doing this thing since… at least since I started college, where I choose something I’d like to focus on for the year. And because I’m a goober, it’s aligned to the school year not the calendar year.

I think of her like a theme. It’s not something I can fail at, just something I’m working towards. And something I acknowledge I will fluctuate on. I try to keep it vague and high level too, to encourage not getting tripped up by the specifics.

The year I went into college, my focus was Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Education. I was cognizant of how I’d be liable to completely absorb myself in school to an unhealthy degree — to the detriment of the rest of my enjoyment and life. I was also concerned that I’d be obsessed with grades such that getting good grades was my became my main focus, rather than actually learning.

So throughout the year, I was intentional about disconnecting my grades from any sense of pride or accomplishment. It helps that in the abstract I don’t believe that a 100-point scale is a useful measure of learning (someone tell me what the difference between 76 and 77 is).

I think I was very successful with that! I still get anxious when checking my grades, but I’m not concerned about it, if that makes sense? I get stressed when doing schoolwork because I want to do my best work, but not because I want to get a good grade. Which is how it should be, I think. Anyways, during my final year I should try to get one or two Bs in a class :D. I can’t go through life literally getting As in every course.

My second year, I wanted to focus on Developing an Appreciation for My Body. You know. Historically, had a fairly negative view of my body a lot of times. Big bummer. In part, this was Gender Stuff. But it was also just like… a general disconnect? I didn’t always feel in my body, if that makes sense.

One of the things that inspired this theme was I started taking HRT that year. August 12. (I had to look that up in text messages with one of my friends, fyi.) I’m not sure that physically made a big difference that year, but it definitely helped with my emotional view of my body, if that makes sense. There was a lot less of “ew, gross. I hate that.” Starting to date my partner and having them call me pretty also helped :).

A lot of the work was really just… being intentional about how I thought about my body. And I was really careful about not letting those thoughts lead into skinny = good because (a) I don’t think that’s a good thought and (b) I have the type of personality that could easily fall into Not Healthy eating habits. (I didn’t and haven’t, thankfully.)

I also got a lot more comfortable with affectionate touch. I’d be fine with it before, but just because it was important for the other person. (Famously, before we started dating, I would give my now-partner “robot hugs.”) But I’ve developed into a bit of a (with consent) handholdy huggy guy. Tbh I feel like I could be a friend cuddle guy, but that hasn’t happened yet.

I just think this was a very productive year. I’m pretty happy in my body these days. I get bummed out only rarely about my body. And — not to be vain — I very often think I am very pretty.

Third year, I worked to Intentionally Devote Resources to Relationships. Listen, the fact of the matter is, I’m bad at staying in touch with people. Truly there are too many people where I have drafted a message I forgot to send or meant to get around to writing a message but haven’t yet. (Among them, Sam Low who sent me a very thoughtful email over a week ago that I’ve been meaning to respond to. And will respond to before I send this post.)

Ultimately, I realized this wasn’t something that would be completed by Just Trying Harder Lol. Because it really doesn’t happen on its own :(. Even with people I really love.

So, ✨structures✨. Regularly scheduled calls are honestly so big. Incredible innovation. It’s in the calendar. And if something gets in the way, you can reschedule? It’s so epic. Honestly I need to set up more regularly scheduled calls/spending time with people. But alas, I’m trapped Jostling in the Jostleplex most weekdays. Being back on campus starting in May is going to be peak.

Another (sam)low key embarrassing structure is adding a daily item in my (now defunct) todo journal that was literally “message one person/three people.” (I had a minimum viable “partially complete” option and a “fully complete” option for all of my tasks which was very helpful.) I was messaging my friends/family so I could fill in a little circle in my little book and it was GREAT. Because I like my friends/family AND I like filling in little circles. Win-win.

I’ve fallen off in recent months on the whole keeping in touch with people thing, which is a shame. Honestly, I think I need to bring back the todo journal and my friendship interaction quota. I hate that I need a circle to fill in to motivate me to talk to people I care about, but if it works, it works. I do think I’ve been good about scheduling things, though! Dinners and events and the like. More to come, hopefully :D.

And this year. My big thing was Acquire Tools to Handle Stress Healthily. I just… have been aware that when I’m stressed, I’m not always great to be around. Sometimes I just fully lock in and completely ignore everything around me (as in, I’ll make acknowledgements when I’m address but I will process literally 0 information.) Other times, I get kind of snappy. I’m told I radiate stress.

So, you know. This has been something I’m trying to work on. I’m not sure I’m succeeded right now. My stress response is just kind of panic as I audibly list out everything I need to do in my entire life. And then shut down and not do it.

I think right now, it may be more worthwhile to establish structures that will reduce my amount of stress, rather than trying to manage stress better when it piles up. So… pre-managing stress. I think this means I should probably go out to the newsroom multiple times a week. (Alas, the bussy is one of my greatest sources of stress, but that’s okay because I love her.)

But that’s not to say I’ve done no stress-reducing stuff! Biking to work has honestly been incredible. Just the every day exercise makes such a big difference in my mood. (I’m in Texas right now where my morning routine is brush teeth, shower, start jostling, probably don’t eat breakfast. It’s BRUTAL.) I also restarted running with my boyfriend in the evenings, which was also really nice. Because it meant I got to see him most nights :). And then we’d yap as I escorted him back home. And then I’d get to walk home without my phone at 11pm. (That sounds like it should be stress inducing for a non-man like me, now that I say it out loud.) I also think I’ve gotten better about communicating when I’m stressed, rather than just radiating.

Anyways, that’s the main story :D. I did a pseudo new years resolution, but I’m not counting it because it was a single action that I took days before New Years, and I want to say I’m Not Like Other Girls and don’t do resolutions. It was deleting YouTube from my phone. I’ve made zero other commitments to myself about my usage of YouTube.com, she just no longer has an app on my phone. Yet I think it’s gonna go well :).

Other News

My Discord Kitten told me to add this recipe to the buzz

She said not to change anything, and I do as I’m told.

(Something about Texas makes me hardcore flirt with my friends and their girlfriends. I know a lot of hot people, okay.)

((also this is a PSA that everyone I know in Texas should get a passport so they can visit Vancouver so they can be convinced to move to Vancouver foreeeeevvvveeeeeerrrrrrr. Or maybe we can all move out to Whitehorse together and have a big gay Yukon party of happiness and health insurance.))

(((also also, triple parenthesis are often used as an antisemitic dog whistle, which is a thing I think about every time I do the double parenthesis as I have in the preceding paragraph)))

Pizza :))))

Makes 4-6 pizzas. (3 pizzas safely serves four people)

The pizza is a little bit wavy, but it doesn’t require a lot of preheating or a pizza stone/steel.

Ingredients

• 2.5 cups warm water (100-105F)

• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar

• 1 packet active dry yeast

• 2 tablespoons olive oil

• 1 tablespoon salt

• appx 5 cups of flour (all purpose has been what I use — but maybe other ones would be better? idk)

Dough Preparation

Ensure the Yeast is unfucked. Put the 2.5 cups of warm water into a large bowl with the 1 tablespoon of sugar. (My typical vibe is a bit under a cup of hot water and the rest of room temperature water.) Then add a packet of active dry yeast. Stir then let her sit for a couple minutes. You should see the yeast bloom, which'll look like frothly bubbles appearing on the top of the water. This is good. If you don't see this after 5-10 minutes, your yeast is dead and you'll have to restart.

The rest of the dough. Now add 5 cups of flour, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and 1 tablespoon of salt. Mix them together. I use my hands, since you'll have to give up on a spoon at some point anyways. If she's too wet and annoying to work with, add a little bit more flour. You want to knead her until she forms a pretty cohesive ball. Trust your gut :).

Rise the first. Cover the bowl with a wet towel and let her rise for 30 minutes.

The Divergence. Knead her a little bit more. The more you knead, the thicker the dough will be (I think). What we had was zero kneads at this stage — I think like... 3-4 goes at it would probably make it a little better. Then, set out 4-6 containers that you can seal up. Put a bit of olive oil in each one. Then, tear of roughly equal sized bits of dough and put one in each. Use the dough to rub down the inside with oil. Seal those containers.

Rise the second. Let these rise again. If you're planning to eat them same-day, rise them on the counter for 2 hours if possible. If you're going to have them later in the week, put them in the fridge. I think they'll last at least a week.

Sauce

I don't super have a recipe for this yet. I'm trying out a bunch. But as a base, you'll want:

• 15 oz can of tomato sauce

• 6 oz can of tomato paste

• 2 tbsp olive oil Then, throw some spices in! Here's what I'd start with:

  • Oregano (quite a bit)

  • Salt to taste

  • Sugar (1-2 teaspoons)

  • Pepper

  • Onion Powder

  • Garlic powder

Or you could just buy pizza sauce from the store. I'm sure they'd have that.

The precarious baking

This is the scary bit. I highly recommend getting everything layed out before you start. You don't want to be cutting pepperoni or grabbing cheese out of the fridge during this operation. Also make sure no one fucking else is in the fucking kitchen. You need your fucking space for this, your family can wait 30 seconds to do their fucking dishes. Be a bitch if you need to. It'll be good practice for you, Emily <3

Prep. Do the following things before you start:

• Pizza Peel. Grab a light cutting board or flat baking sheet or pizza peel or the like. You'll use this to transfer the pizza into the oven, so make it light.

• Flour. Set up some way to get a small amount of this out without sticking your hand into the container.

• Cheese. Make sure she's grated before you go. In an easy to access bowl

• Sauce. Put a spoon in her

• Toppings. Make sure they're in a state to be applied as quick as possible

• Oven. Clean one of the oven racks. Put her as high as she can go. Put your oven's broiler on high.

• Things for Touching Hot Things (Like you kitten 😽). Oven mitts and tongs.

Roll the dough. Put a sprinkling of flour on your baking sheet. (A lot of recipes say corn meal is more traditional but that feels like a lot of effort.) Pull the dough out of one of your containers (I like patting around the edge until she comes... out.) Put her on your baking sheet and flatten her a bit with your hand. Sprinkle some more flour on top. Then, roll her out with a rolling pin or a wine bottle or something. Go to whatever thickness you desire/whatever size will fit comfortably in your oven.

The tricky transfer. Open the oven. Pull the oven grate as far out as you can. Grab two "corners" of the pizza dough and lift her up. Pray. Drape her across the oven grates. CAREFULLY lift up bits of the dough to make sure it's not falling between the grates too much. You can optionally take the oven grate out to do this, but you still have to be careful with the heat.

POV: You're a bird. Watch this shit like a fucking hawk. If you've got an oven light, use that. Otherwise, open your oven for a quick look truly every like 20-30 seconds. You're looking to keep any big bubbles from forming. If they start to, reach in with your tongs and pop that shit. You're also looking to make sure you're cooking the pizza evenly. If your broiler is uneven, you may have to rotate her. (A tip for this is sometimes it's nice to pull her out onto your baking sheet, adjust her, then pull her back into the oven. Once you get a nice crisp going on the bottom, you're ready to go to the next step. I try to let some sections char a little bit if I can.

Nascar Tire Change. It's go time. Clear the fucking kitchen. Open the oven and pull the rack as far out as she'll go. Grab your tongs and flip that pizza over. Then go to town on the toppings. Pizza sauce (I find starting with three big spoons gets me close to the amount I want) — try to get her as far towards the crust as possible. Parmasean cheese, if you like can be nice to put on right after the sauce. Mozzarella cheese — definitely go with low moisture cheese if you're hoping for full coverage, otherwise it'll be super oily. Toppings of choice. Once you're done, push that rack back in and...

POV: You're a bird (again). Again, watch her. Constantly. Rotate if need be to cook evenly. You can pull her out whenever you want, but if you leave her too long the cheese is gonna get her all oily.

Extract. Pull her out when she's done. Cut her and serve :))))

Twilight

Oh god I watched twilight for the first time.

Everyone is an abusive son of a gun. Like both Jake and Edward are weird and bad and toxic. I appreciated Jake for suggesting polyamory though. But I would appreciate that. As a little poly girlie. I don’t think that’s possible though because both Jake and Edward are abusive and also hate each other. Except for that one tent scene that spawned a million fanfics… I have been told.

We watched Breaking Dawn Pt 1 the other night, and I was Warned™️ about the birth scene. Like I was told it was really gnarly. So I did what anyone would do and hid my head between my friend’s back and the couch. And when the sounds got all bitey and bone-breaky, I’d either scream or flirt with my friend’s girlfriend (also face hidden behind her back) to drown it out. 10/10 highly recommend.

Not beating the autistic allegations

A NEW TRAIN OPENED UP BY MY TEXAS HOME

The Silver Line. It’s really cool. I’m a no car guy here in Texas which is a little isolating. But now there is train!!! And it’s really nice. I really hate to admit this, but I did start taking photos of the train once I got inside (I WAS VERY IMPRESSED OKAY DONT JUDGE MEEEEEEE.)

I also would jump up and down and clap my hands every time the train pulled into the station. And when it blew its little train horn!!! Such a beaming smile on my face. Really not beating the allegations.

It really pisses me off though because there is a movement of cities trying to withdraw from the regional transport group. Which is like… actually so silly. The new train station was completed in November. If my town pulled out of the transport group, the train would literally just roll through the station. It would be a massive waste of 2 billion dollars.

Also the pro-withdrawing from the transport group councillors were like “if we pull out of the Dallas-area public transport, we’ll still have public transport, it will just be better and cleaner and quicker and cheaper. How? uhhhhhhhhhhh still working on that but it totally would be all of those things.”

But it’s like… the folks who want to withdraw from the group aren’t boots on the ground. I watched a 3 hour city council meeting, and literally of ~35 people who spoke, only one spoke in favour of putting withdrawal on the May ballot.

It strikes me that up in Vancouver, we’re arguing for the construction of a train line to our university. But down here in Texas, transit advocates are advocating for a train line that was already built to… continue running a month after it opened.

My ex boyfriend got Discord hacked

He’s just like Aisha for real. (Also Aisha I’ve mentioned you to my friends in Texas and they were like “oh yeah, I definitely recognize that name; you’ve talked about her before” and also they said your name was pretty.)

That’s All!

My brother turned on the news while I was writing this and I’m gonna be honest, listening to the President justify kidnapping the leader of a sovereign nation wasn’t the vibe. But this is not a national politics type of newsletter so I shall leave it at that. I much prefer the local variety. Anyways, this was a real chunky one.

Also for those who know about/care about this sort of thing, I finished Ascension 19 on all four Slay the Spire characters — going for The Heart each time. I’ve been hoping finish A20H on all characters before StS2 releases, and it looks like I’m gonna get there!!! This is literally gonna be my greatest video gaming achievement of my life.

Also also, I read my first book of the year! On Tyranny (she was mentioned in a meeting with my editor ages ago, and I finally bought her).

Also also also, just to tease you nerds, but I’m sorry that the version of myself I’m constructing for the internet is unwilling to send screenshots of texts with my father. Because some of them are incredibly funny. My man’s be crashing out about how his moving to Columbia affects his relationships with his children. I did stray from my buzz identity a little bit by including so much profanity et al in the pizza recipe but I was told to leave it unedited :D.

Hope y’all’s winter break was nice. I fly back to Vancouver during my work day this Wednesday. Which sounds stressful. But alas, it is like that, occasionally.

See y’all in a fortnight (Jan 18) at 10:03 pm. Until then, buzz on, my busy bees!

Not anyone’s fault, just the facts and reality since 2025