So there’s a place in Vancouver named Leg-in-Boot Square — named after a severed leg-in-boot that washed a shore that the police placed on a pike for weeks as they waited for someone to claim it.

It’s only a 40 minute walk away from me, so I simply had to go there. I didn’t walk along the seawall because that would have been smart. Instead I braved some sidewalk-navigation. Which… cars are scary.

With each step, anticipation built and built. With such a name as Leg-in-Boot Square, what types of leg-in-boot memorabilia would there be? A placard explaining the name for sure. But potentially a statue depicting the titular leg-in-boot? Or a pole banner with art commemorating the event. Surely if none of that, at least something leg-in-boot themed.

Alas, I regret to inform you, leg-in-boot square had NOTHING of interest.

Not even a placard.

It’s just… a normal square.

There’s no way to tell that the police once prominently displayed a severed leg-in-boot outside of their station.

There’s a little placard describing the sightline of Vancouver, but disappointingly little Leg-in-Boot stuff. All of the businesses there are like… massage or physio places.

I think that as Vancouverites, we should relish our Leg-in-Boot hanging heritage. When tourists plan to come to town but then end up being unable to because their grandfather died (D:), they should be sad not just because of a death in the family, not just because they couldn’t go to Telus World of Science, not just because then they couldn’t watch a Ninja Sex Party whose tickets are inexplicably listed in USD, not just because they can’t visit the theatre under the stars, not just because they can’t walk around Granville island, not just because they can’t bike the Seawall, but also because they can’t see Leg-in-Boot Square.

This will require a bit of a culture shift — especially among the residents and businesses of Leg-in-Boot square. The businesses need to rebrand into Leg-in-Boot themed storefronts. We can keep a couple of the massage/physio places, but they’re going to have to change their name and logo (I’ll do it. My resume says I’m “proficient in MS Paint”). The rest, well… they need to be more on theme. We can have a boot shop — a pretty obvious one, given the square is named Leg-in-Boot Square. Perhaps a restaurant that only sells chicken legs-in-boot. The sky is the limit.

Clearly there are also merch shops (this is going to be a tourist destination). Imagine it: keychains with a leg-in-boot, an “I went to Leg-in-boot square and all I got was this shirt” T-shirt, a prosthetic leg-in-boot. People would be throwing money at the place.

There would obviously need to be a statue and a placard as well. And the pole banners (I can design them. As I said — “proficient in MS Paint”). We also need one of those cheesy photo walls where you stick your head through a cut out. I say, two 19th century police officers hanging a leg up (obviously).

Residents of Leg-in-Boot square would need to hang legs-in-boot from their windows. While they can be faux legs at the start, eventually, people will begin to donate their own legs to the cause — either at time of their passing or having them surgically removed for the sole purpose of being -in-boot and hung in the square. Residents of Leg-in-Boot square would also be legally required to donate their legs when they die.

We will also need some amount of entertainment for the tourists. My pitch? At the start of each day, we hire someone to whisper in the middle of the square “wow, this place really is Vancouver’s hidden gem”. At the very sound, Justin McElroy (not that one) will come sprinting directly from the CBC offices in a bloodlust, since Leg-in-Boot will be extraordinarily popular and NOT a hidden gem. Upon arrival in Leg-in-Boot square, he’ll calm and tell the passing tourists about the origin of every street name in Vancouver, the ranking of every Heritage Minute, or the best symbols in BC.

This is my perfect plan. I will not be accepting criticism and I expect that Mayor Sims 4 will be more than willing to approve this plan without even needing to leave his gym.

Other News

I’m a thief now :D

My partner and I got a trunk second hand because we’re cool like that (thanks Martine and Andy for getting it for us :D). And for a week, it had been working wonderfully. We had opened it. We had closed it. It was amazing. Way cooler than a coffee table, in my opinion.

But the other day, my partner decided to put our blankets and our TTRPG graph paper in it. Lo and behold, when I go to get the graph paper THE TRUNK IS LOCKED. It wasn’t locked before. It only locked once we put stuff in there.

I went to a locksmith — they didn’t help even though I said exactly the type of key I needed (it’s a ooooolllld steamer trunk. it’s very cool). So, there was only one thing left to do. I busted out my lock picking tools (hair pins and a flathead screwdriver) and I got to work.

Let me tell you. Picking a lock without a key is such a high. Y’all should do it. It felt so good. I refuse to pick up a lock picking hobby but DAMN. It was fun. Frustrating? Sure there was some profanity along the way. But the feeling of pulling the lock away? Incredible.

Whoa look someone (not me obviously) started a Jake Sawatzky fan account

Iconic

Shout out whoever did this unless they’re a man in which case I hope they have a terrible year filled with women seeing them for the creep they really are <3.

From the Archive

Ummmmm… I’d like to thank the illustrators of the Ubyssey who in recent years decided to ummmm… not do racial caricatures. It’s really cool of you :).

Feb 13, 1934

That’s All!

My main story was going to be a fake news article about how the AMS announced that the next stage of the Trek for Transit (T4T) was to have students human centipede along the route that the skytrain would be as a publicity stunt but HOLY SHIT. I read the wikipedia article for human centipede and wanted to vomit. Cannot recommend. I’m also a queasy little guy who doesn’t watch anything R Rated because I’m sacred there will be blood.

If this gets to Justin McElroy (not that one), I’m going to be done with life. I’m gonna make myself a leg in boot.

Anyways. Bought a bike. Took the sea bus. Played some TTRPGs. My campaign is one session closer to wrapping, which is exciting (they killed the leader of the bad guy force, Guildmaster Khourulin Halilo). Did my laundry so I can patch together four outfits for the secret secret thing tomorrow evening. Gonna dye my hair once I’m done with this newsletter.

We’re having a great time. Feeling really happy and calm this week. I hope y’all are too. Even you, u/bonelander-69

Until Sunday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

Militarymen AND WOMEN since 2025