Corrections: In the previous issue of The Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz, the entry for “quadball” mentioned a link that was never inserted. Here is that link. The Twice-Weekly Daily Nightly Buzz regrets this error.

What to do in Invermere?

Invermere is a town in eastern British Columbia, nestled in the East Kootenay area. Now, I’ve never been to Invermere, nor do I have any plans or desire to (unless I’m being brought there by my partner’s parents — hi!). But, much like my review of the A Minecraft Movie — that’s not going to stop me! (I haven't watched the A Minecraft Movie. I'm reviewing it anyways.)

For each category, I’m going to include a recommendation, an honourable mention, and a dishonourable mention. Unless I don’t want to do all three of those. Or I want to do more than those three. Basically, I’m just going to do whatever I want.

Breakfast

They have a massive pretzel over the top of their shop! What else could you want? I’ll tell you what: bee meringues! Which they have. Perfect cafe.

Dishonourable Mention (for the pun)

You know what their damn about us page says????

DISGUSTING. It’s not even a good pun.

Lunch/Dinner

I am famously and vocally ride or die for Pizzeria Mercato. If you’ve had a single conversation with me, you’ll know that I think this place is not just the single best pizza place in Invermere but the single best pizza place in the entire universe — nay, multiverse! The grease-to-cheese ratio is impeccable. The crisp on the bottom of the crust is perfect. The way they force all of their employees to put on really bad Italian accents is really just the cherry on the cake.

If you don’t like pizza there’s a poutine queen right next to them, so go eat that you maple blooded Canadian.

Dishonourable Mention (only for the menu)

I’m going to be honest: I’m a bit disappointed with this place. Only the Lunch Menu and the Gluten Free Menu were given the plain printer paper special. The rest of the menu is “graphically designed” (source).

Honourable Mention: Spice Hut

They have an animated logo with fire. In person, all of their logos are animated too! The sign outside their place has real fire!!!! (Don’t fact check me I’m definitely right and there’s no way to prove me wrong because I definitely didn’t just make up this fact).

My main complaint when I ordered here is that they didn’t get my spice level right. I asked for “the lingering embers of a blaze across a home” but they gave me the spiciness level of “the ant you tried to smite with sun gets their petty revenge.“

Also, some of the images in their website’s gallery are a million percent stock images (I checked, like a normal person does).

Buyin’ Things

Their building (or at least their previous one) is also so freaking cute I love it. Also, their about us page is so gay. Literally five critical role cosplays — including a Beauyasha with a rainbow fan. Freaking homosexuals (positive).

Dishonourable Mention: Crazy Soles

Genuinely such an incredible place. Candace, Brendon, and Brittany are so nice and helpful. It’s clear they are really passionate about trail running and willing to help people of any level who come into their store.

The only problem is that sometimes you accidentally go on a vacation with someone with a foot fetish, so they’re going crazy for soles as soon as you step into the store and… it’s just really an awkward vibe for everyone involved.

Just a Chilling with the Homies

Invermere made part of its downtown pedestrian only which — dare I say — based. There’s a whole bunch of cute tables! Grab a snack and chill out with the homies! Maybe meet some of the genuinely incredibly chill and cool people on Invermere.

Honourable Mention: Invermere Health Centre

You and the homies can also spend some time at the Invermere Health Centre — an especially good idea if you haven’t received both doses of your MMR vaccine (which are safe and almost 100% effective with both doses). Make sure to call ahead when you make your appointment.

(As a Texan… sorry we have to worry about measles again, team.)

Dishonourable Mention: Fire Vixen Tattoos

Seems like a fun vibe until the whole crew is walking out having had “I’m with stupid ➡️” tattooed on them (not that that has ever happened to me…)

Sit Back and Watch the Show

My choice for the best entertainment in Invermere is obviously the Invermere Council meetings. There’s truly nothing as entertaining as a local government council meeting.

For a bit of extra fun, ask Gerry about antique cars! He loves talking about them — and he’s really knowledgeable — so you’re in for a good time.

Tree Hugging

If you have some experience in the ol’ mountain biking department, The Kloosifer is such an iconic trail. I had a little bit of trouble with it just since I’ve only had a little bit of mountain biking experience but a lot of that was just not having built proper biking muscles! But honestly, most of the biking trails around Invermere are incredible. As long as you’re biking within your means and bringing water, you’ll have a great time :D

Honourable Mention: Lake Windermere

Lake stuff is just very fun. Doing a little kayak/canoeing action is a great way to spend a day. Perhaps some Born to Fish Forced to Work action. Really make Kai Rogers proud — as all of us are desperate to do.

Just make sure not to drown to death. Or zoom your motorized boat past some cool people who are canoeing, creating a big disruptive wake that shakes the canoe of the aforementioned canoers and make one of the aforementioned canoers scared that their aforementioned canoe is going to tip over and dump all their supplies in the lake. Hypothetically, of course.

Dishonourable Mention: The Golf Courses

I’m a little biased because I think if you’re traveling to Invermere to do something outside, you should at least do something fun. (I’m sorry if you like golf. I’m sure you have cooler hobbies too.) But if Greywolf, Windermere, or The Ridge really rock your roll, you do you, little golfer boy.

Other News

I watched Andor

It was very good :). I cried through basically the last 6 episodes. Good things ending always makes me so incredibly sad — and even more so knowing that Cassian gets Death Star blown up like half a week after the show ends (spoilers for the decade-old Rogue One).

Andor just really feels like A Piece Of Art in a way I don’t think a tonnnnn of stuff made by Disney these days feels like. I’ll probably yap about Andor more once I’ve had more than 24 hours to let it sit :).

The Section Of Shame

So I’m definitely supposed to be applying to Co-op positions. And I genuinely really want to be doing that, it’s just my brain doesn’t like doing what I tell it to (I’m not diagnosed with anything starting with an A. Maybe because I haven’t tried to get diagnosed with anything starting with an A…. but I’m sure it’s fiiiiinnnneeeee). Like…. y’all. It’s really bad and embarrassing. I’m literally averaging 0.04 applications per day :(. Shame is welling up inside of me as I am typing this. But I figured that being accountable to 48 of my closest friends (3 of which are Sam Low) might kickstart my brain enough to motivate me.

So at the bottom, I’m going to include a running tally of how many applications I’ve done, and everyone can judge me for not doing enough, which will in turn motivate me to do more :). I hope.

From the Archive

Oooooh this is a fun one. I was reading an old Anabella thing that mentioned The Ubyssey’s becoming independent from the AMS. And I realized that I could totally find the spoof issue that caused the AMS to do a cancel culture against the news (March 30, 1994). It’s a WHOPPER.

Starting it off, a fake ad from the ASM:

And they also wrote and published fake letters from AMS people

All of these letters were of course published beneath this graphic:

What was funky about the spoof issue is that… there was also like… actual news coverage, letters, ads, and columns. The following clipping is from the welcome to the 1995 editorial staff. (At the time, they, of course, didn’t know they’d be fully shut down and locked out of their offices.)

That’s All!

You know, hopefully the Invermere travel guide wasn’t “too nerdy” and inclusive to “well-adjusted” people, TOM. I hope it was relatively accurate since… again, I’ve never been and was mostly just making things up.

Also I hope specific people don’t think I’m creepy for writing it (if you’re wondering who I’m talking to, I’m not talking to you), I just thought it was a mildly entertaining idea like a week ago and I’m so desperate for newsletter topics that I went with it. If it did make you uncomfortable, I really am sorry.

Until Wednesday at 10:03 pm, buzz on, my busy bees!

(Applications: 01 🫠)

Stanning Kleya since 2025