A Collection of Limericks

There once was a bee from Vancouver...

Barry "Bee" Buzzword
March 03, 2025

It’s been a busy day! The first of the Presidential debates happened! I finished (or rather, I’m manifesting I will have finished by the time this goes out) a project for one of my courses. And I played some Draw Steel, which is a fantasy TTRPG like Dungeons and Dragons, but… uhhh better.

The character I’m playing—Zelikaz—is a troubadour and as such as an ability called “Revitalizing Limerick,” which allows me to heal a bunch of my allies. During the first session of our campaign, when I used this ability, I was “encouraged” to come up with a limerick for it, and now I’m committed until Zelikaz dies. Which might not be that far off! Tonight I was 1 damage away from being actually fully dead :0.

A screenshot of text on a plain background. It reads "Revitalizing Limerick. There once was a man from Capital... While this routine is active, choose a number of targets equal to your Presence score at the end of your turn. Each chosen target can spend a Recovery."

The “Revitalizing Limerick” ability from MCDM Production’s Draw Steel

Have Some Limericks

I will say, I am capable of writing better poetry than this. It’s just most of these were written in the span of 30-120 seconds while also managing other tactical considerations. But that’s enough excuses. Without further ado, I present all the limericks I have written over the 3 sessions we’ve had of the campaign so far!

An Ogre’s Dinner

There once was an ogre named Rex.

He tied me down to keep me for sex.

I was salted for dinner.

Though now I'm way thinner.

I've got to say, I prefer him my ex.

- Zelikaz, moments after being saved from a duo of ogres planning to eat him

Lying Before Shadow Goblins

We all walked through those there trees

All this fighting is hurting my knees

Goblins attacking from the dark

Bleeding me out like a shark

I'd rather sleep with a bed of fleas

- Zelikaz, lying on the ground near-death from a shadow goblin ambush

Ode to the Vinedom

Born as a vine, a sprout

Touch by fae. Who? A doubt.

Forest animals amble

Into your great, bloodsucking bramble

Until you became a Sherugi breakout

Zelikaz’s feeding the ego of a sapient mass of bloodthirsty vines

A Few Words for Marlin

A kindly elf Marlin

Held by Julliette his darlin'

Loved by Mossy Brook

Welcomed all to his cozy nook

For conversations beneath doeskin

In memory of Marlin, an NPC we didn’t really know who died to a pack of wolves

Norhite Poachers

From the old world an expedition

Poaching animals is their mission

They march off into the woods

Having had stolen a good lot of goods

For our friend Percy took all their munitions

To bid off a band of poachers as they ventured into the land of blood thirsty vines

Big Bug

Travelling the road hit a rumble big

Bug from the ground: a mf-ing ankheg

It’s ugly-ass mouth spewing acid

Dissolving our flesh fucking rancid

We stand in its face so the normies can leg

Zelikaz shouts, while being dragged through the ground an inch away from death

That’s All!

That’s all I’ve got for today. The debates were amazing and delightfully chaotic. Drédyn simply could not contain his laughs, even as a serious candidate. If you didn’t go to this afternoon’s, you should definitely go to the final Presidential debate this Thursday at 7pm in the David Suzuki Pit for Sustainability.

My candidate profile is also out now! Aisha did an absolutely amazing job. It’s absolutely everything I could ever dream it would be :D. Here are two excerpts from it, but definitely check out the full article, as well as the rest of The Ubyssey’s reporting on the AMS elections.

Screenshot reads: Buzzword also hopes to increase housing on campus. To do this, Buzzword plans to advocate to UBC about the need for more beds and then said UBC would comply because he asked. However, advocating directly to UBC falls under the VP academic and university affairs’ (AUA) portfolio. “I know that some people might say, ‘Isn't that the VP AUA’s job?’ To which I'd say, ‘Where's the VP AUA,’” Buzzword said.

Top tier fact check. Set me up perfectly.

Screenshot reads: On relevant experience for the position, Barry noted he was a representative in the lawsuit where bees sued all of humanity and helped work on the case.

She did, in fact, link to the Wikipedia article for the Bee Movie. Iconic.

Until tomorrow at 10:30 pm, buzz on, my friends!

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